Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
