I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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