Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
