I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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