I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
