Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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