You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
