Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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