Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
