i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
