just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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