Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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