why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
