One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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