some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
