I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
