The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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