Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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