hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
