If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
