omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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