I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
