omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
