I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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