I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
