Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
