Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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