i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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