Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
