sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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