Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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