My hand turned me down
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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