There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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