my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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