we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize