She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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