woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
