Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
