Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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