We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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