You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
