I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
