Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
