So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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