The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
