Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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