i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
