this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
