I need to stop coming to work sober
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
