I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
