he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
