Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize