No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
