Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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