Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
