If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
