I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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