my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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