i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are the jesus of drinking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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