It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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