just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize