you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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