it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
