dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
