moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
