i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
