3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
