You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
