I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
