i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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