Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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