That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
