Can Purell be used as lube?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
