were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
