Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And then he peed in my hair
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