You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
