I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
