There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
