yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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