you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
