the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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