you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
