Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
