I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
