i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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