I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
