I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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