You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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