Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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