Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
