i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
