I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
