That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
