ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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