just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
