I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
