dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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