Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
