Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize