I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
