I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
