In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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