so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
