There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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