i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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