If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm at about main and main street
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
