I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
