That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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